When I first got sober it would happen all the time. Those little moments where the universe seems to be sending you a reminder or a hidden message.
A person who pops into your head and then calls you a few minutes later.
Finding a long lost journal which contains a timely reminder.
Or a character in a book or a movie that seems to be talking directly to you.
Once, I was on my way to a meeting and feeling pretty sorry for myself, I don’t remember why. I was stopped at a light and happened to glance up. The road that I was on was perfectly aligned to provide a tree framed view of Mt. Rainier, far in the distance. I felt my heart light up, and then I happened to glance down at the car in front of me. The license plate was ‘NVR GV UP’.
I had to pull over for a bit because I couldn’t see through my joyful tears.
As I’ve drifted away from my sobriety over the last few years, I stopped seeing the god shots. I’m sure there were many I missed, and at some important moments I might notice one here and there. But as I stopped noticing, I eventually forgot to even look for them.
I also forgot to keep doing the next indicated thing. I forgot to F(ace) E(everything) A(nd) R(ecover). I forgot to let go and let god. I forgot to stay willing, and connected, and humble. And I drank.
A couple of weeks ago I met an old friend who is newly sober at a speaker meeting. It was good and comfortable to be at a meeting, and I was grateful to be with a friend and with my people once again. It felt a bit like home, a feeling which I’ve been missing lately.
The first speaker was an older woman and she shared her story with grace and humor, as sober women do. And then she got to the part about how she and her ex-husband were ‘really bad at marriage, but really good at divorce’. She shared how they had been able to move past their difficult and painful marriage in a way that had resulted in a friendship. A mutually respectful parenting partnership.
My eyes filled up again and I couldn’t quiet my tears. Plus crying in a meeting for me is a little like laughing in church, the more I try to stifle it the louder it gets.
I had that feeling once again of lightness and fullness and a heart exploding. The universe was telling me that I was in the right place! That even though it seemed like life as I knew it had fallen apart, the new big life goals that I’m hoping for are a possibility. And to make it super easy for me, here’s someone who has been through it!
I got Susan’s number and called her the next day. We’re going to meet up so that I can ask her all the questions, and she can share what she’s been given. I’m not going to miss such an obvious opportunity, not now that I’m paying attention again. I know what to do, and I know I’ve got to grab on with both hands once again.
Because it only works if you work it!