be still

Today as I jogged steadily along a new forest path, my mind was racing faster than my feet. Part of me was watching the trail ahead, scanning for roots and rocks and off-leash dogs. Another part was doing the same thing internally, identifying emotions, replaying interactions, creating significance where there may not have been any and trying to understand it where there was. Part of me was just taking in all of the marvelous green sights and smells, trying to recharge my spiritual batteries and fill up with fresh air.

And a small part was just trying not to get lost.

At one point while I was lost in my thoughts, I came around a corner and was blinded by a strong beam of sunlight, low in the blue spring sky, shining directly through acres of tall spindly second growth to blast me full in the face. My initial reaction was of course to shield my eyes but by then my retinas had shrunk so small that I still couldn’t see.  And still my body was trying to run. Although by this point what I was really doing was just trying not to fall on my face.

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I regained my balance and my eyes were slowly starting to readjust, when it happened a second time. Again my body kept moving, as my distracted brain failed to grasp my spastic situation. But this time, I stopped.

Dead in the middle of the trail I stopped and closed my eyes and let wonderful things happen.

Instantly my skin was warmed and energized by the powerful sunlight. That internal battery that I’d been trying so hard to charge was immediately glowing as the UVs and vitamin Ds filled it. My busy brain quieted and I was filled with gratitude. It felt like a significant moment so I stood there with my arms open and paused.

And I heard ‘Light’. And ‘Illuminate’. And ‘Truth’.

I thought about all of the changes and uncertainty and challenge that life is currently presenting. I have been doing work, and searching for Truths, and they are frequently scary and hard. And still life has to happen, children need to be fed and cared for, laundry washed, self-care prioritized. I keep busy, keep moving, and it feels a little like I’m stumbling.

Maybe the universe is trying to tell me that I need to pause for a bit. Sit in the sun and rest and write. Before I fall on my face.

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